Angus Og

Part 1

The first character that caught my eye was Angus Og.

Angus Og is one of the ever living ones. He wears a lot of flashy gold jewellery and clothing, and carries a gold and silver harp. Whether due to magic or his overwhelming hotness, when he plays that harp, the people around him start to feel drunk.

He’s also got four asshole birds that used to be his kisses, and all they do all day long is fly around and annoy people. “I come! I come!” they sing as they swoop around your head, “I go! I go!” and it’s almost impossible to get rid of them.

As impossibly sexy as he is, Angus is also known as Frightener, or Disturber. If you were a farmer, minding your own business with your plough team, when Angus Og came strutting down the lane you were in for trouble because livestock flee in terror before him.

Famously, a lot of women loved Angus but one which warrants particular mention is Derbrenn. She had six foster children, three boys and three girls. The boy’s mother, Dalb Garb, tricks them into eating magic nuts that turn them into pigs. I don’t know why. But, I guess, six rowdy piglets would be hard to look after so Derbrenn and Angus leave them in the care of a local hoteller called Buichet.

We’re worldly people, we can all tell immediately that leaving six healthy pigs with people that run a busy hotel is probably a bad idea, but Buichet must have been an extraordinarily honourable man because he never considers eating any of them. His wife, however, barely lasts twelve months before she tries to take a bite out of one. When they flee in terror, she sends one hundred presumably quite bemused men with one hundred hounds to catch them.

The pigs reach Angus ahead of the hounds and beg for help. It’s not clear if Angus understands animals, or if the pigs can still speak with a human tongue. That would be the more horrifying angle, because Mrs Buichet definitely would have understood them begging her to let them live. Now, Angus might be immortal and all that but he still has his limitations. He explains to the pigs that there is nothing he can do until they have travelled to Tarbga and shaken the mighty tree there, and eaten the salmon of Inver Umaill. They get as far as Tarbga, but before they can get to Inver Umaill someone called Maeve comes out of freaking nowhere and slaughters all but one of them. But, Angus had a new girlfriend now, so is it really even still his problem?

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